Lavatory, The Next Generation [Comic]

When it’s a dire emergency, I would totally chuck my wallet at a porta potty to open that bastard.  You know, the one thing that I’ve never seen on Star Trek is the bathroom.  What does a future bathroom look like?

Kinda strange to not have a convention announcement.  So I’ll just ask, how much would you pay to use a fancy, future porta potty?

↓ Transcript


These are the voyages of the mobile toilet, XV2. It's on going mission, to help you boldly go where you haven't gone before.


Kane gestures wide with his hands.




Something like that. And we can do a whole iconic ART DECO graphic treatment.


Ally gestures.


That aesthetic fits so well with the shape of the pods. A clean look will also help us monetize the system.


Kane raises his eyebrows as Bodie ponders.  Ally looks at her phone, alarmed.


That's the part I'm struggling with. How much would you pay?


I would throw all my money to save me from shitty pants.


Closeup on Ally's phone.  The name on the text message is "Cowgirl."


Hmm...I think European cities have more public pay toilets. Hey, Julie…

ALLY (To herself)


Discussion (29)

  1. Peruhain

    Hi tech porta john: should have a water flush system with a flapper valve at the bottom to wash away the poo and stop the stink from coming up. Problem is, flushing takes a lot of water. The answer: vacuum suction with a tiny shot of water to rinse the bowl. (This also leads to a possible design issue. The Navy installed a system like this on ships starting in the 1970s to allow precious fresh water to be used for flushing and thus eliminate the maintenance headaches of salt water flushing (which tends to turn accumulated poo in the pipes to cement while also causing corrosion). It is said that there were several incidents where overweight sailors pressed the toilet seat down so hard that they created a seal, and when they flushed while still sitting on the toilet, the effect was a vacuum seal requiring the application of a crowbar to free them from the seat. You ought to be able to get some comic mileage out of that old sea story. :p

  2. Thor

    In Star Trek they just teleport the crap out of you into space.

  3. War Apocalypsewriters

    In Europe- Germany mostly with the occasional visit to Italy, Austria and other near by countries- public toilets cost between 50-80 cents. 1 euro (1 dollar) coin for the ones with a personal staff, showers and those toilet seat washer things. In London- I avoided pay toilets due to the price but there was this really AWESOME porta potty I saw at a train station that would shut down and wash itself in 30-45 seconds after it was used. It was about 80 pence-1.50 pounds. It looked awesome, and if I had the time or the need I would have totally used it just to see what the hell it did.

  4. Dragonsword

    I always assumed that the star trek’s ship toilets used phaser technology to vaporize the leftovers. maybe chemical disintegration. Concerning the use of a decent porta potty I’d think a dollar would fit the basic no frills but decent potty cubicle. That said more money for better form and function. If this company goes ahead with the futuristic star trekkin look & feel can they have the doors make the sweish sound?

  5. GeoffDepew

    two words: replicator fuel.

  6. dawmail333

    Let me guess. You download an app on your phone that uses NFC to take a 50c microtransaction out of whatever payment system you choose, which then unlocks the door provided no-one is inside.

    Actually, I claim copyright on that idea, but Jamie Noguchi is permitted to use it. ;)

  7. Kimberly Elliott

    In Star Trek: tNG you see people using the sinks that lead into the presumable toilet and shower area… but you’re right, I never saw a toilet.. or shower. At least not on that show.

    I would totally pay $1-2 to use a clean toilet at night outside in busy city.

  8. pepino

    I saw some star trek ” documentary ” once and it shows the enterprise d map in engineering; there is a single toilet called out on the enterprise layout, almost dead centre of the ship.

  9. Jamie Noguchi

    Oh god, I hope they seal that shit up tight!

  10. Jamie Noguchi

    That sounds kinda awesome!

  11. Jamie Noguchi

    I think those dollar coins could come in really handy.

  12. Wayne Zombie

    In Star Trek: The Motion Picture, when Ilia is first converted/transformed by V’ger, she’s at an ungodly high temperature and gets in to a shower to cool down to a manageable degree. There might have been one or two other scenes in TOS, but I don’t remember.

  13. M

    Charging for public toilets is evil and wrong.

    But for what it’s worth the going rate in London seems to be about 30p which is like 50c or so.

  14. Jasmine P.

    A buck or two, especially if there was some guarantee they’d be clean. If I’m paying to go the money better be going to keeping the experience good.

  15. Hawthorntree

    For a clean, climate controlled crapper? I would drop at least $1 to $2 to get in. The problem after that would be getting me out.

  16. Eavan Moore

    Like, a dollar? It would have to be less than the price of buying a drink at nearby cafes or bars w/ toilets.

  17. GeoffDepew

    hey, at the end of the day, it’s all just molecules being broken down by a transporter and stuck in a tank to become Tea, Earl Grey, Hot when the Captain says so.

    And now I think I horrified people even MORE.

  18. Thisfox

    In Australia there are often pay toilets right next to the free ones: no difference other than the pay ones are more high tech and usually have useless non-absorbent high-tech loo paper, so I tend to go to the freebies, which have a standard roll and thus are more convenient conveniences. Pay toilets cost anything between $1.50 to 2 bucks. You can put in a coin, or pay by mobile phone or smartphone, same way you pay at a vending machine for a can of fizz. I don’t know how the smartphone thing works, but it does.

    I often drive up and down the East Coast, using the surf life saving clubs for showers and toilets. A dollar donation will get me into all the surf life saving clubs, and use of the showers (and, as a side effect, clean toilets) for as long as I wish to use them. Plus, I like the fact that I’m donating to a good cause. Surf Life Savers rock.

    Perhaps there could be a donation to charity when you use these fictional fancy van-loos as well?

  19. thisfox

    Dollar coins, yes, but also smartphone tech works well.

  20. thisfox

    We have those in Oz. Tend to have really nasty non-absorbent toilet paper though. Pity, as the rest is sort of exciting.

  21. SamuraiArtGuy

    When I was younger there was a scattering of public pay toilets, esp down in the subways. They were a quarter, later 50 cents, only took quarters. They were generally tidier, less horrifying and were more likely to have toilet paper that the publics.

    So given inflation, yeah, a buck seems reasonable, so that means in New York City, we’re talking $5.

  22. Esteban Herrera

    I believe that the sinks and mirror incorporate a shower of sorts. They discussed it a bit more in voyager. Sonic Showers I think. Using sound vibrations to shake the dust, sweat and dirt off you. In deep space, I’m guessing water’s a priority. And in TNG in particular, Picard has a crew of over a 1000. while the ship is massive, it could never hold enough water for their daily showers. Their clothes are probably self cleaning, and their waste is probably instantly recycled, probably as manure for the hydroponics bay.

  23. Susan Abe
  24. Frank Bromley

    how about ToireTech. everyone knows japanese topilets make the western ones look like a cardboardbox with a hole in it why not play on that (for those that don’t know toire トイレ means toilet in japanese)

    upside the logo for it could be the Pi symbol over the kana cause 2 t’s looks like Pi TT

  25. SamuraiArtGuy

    It was pretty much established that Federation Starships have to recycle pretty much EVERYTHING into the replicators. In fact, there’s a fair amount of it already going on in up on the International Space Station. You have to ship back all of your trash back to Earth, it makes sense to recycle as much as you reasonably can.

  26. keiranhalcyon31

    You’ve never seen the published Enterprise-D deck plans. They’ve got space allocated on the ship for freakin’ cetacean labs. Dolphins, whales… actually I think that was a inside joke/dig at Star Trek IV: Save the Whales. In context of the show, I would expect all waste products to be de-replicated in a few seconds in the reverse of the process the food replicators use.

    Now, about the toilets… when was the last time you remember seeing an actual toilet on any tv show? All I can come up with is the Man’s Bathroom episode of Home Improvement.

  27. Susan Abe
  28. Esteban Herrera

    gotta say, you’re writing has character. Chuckled a little, thanks =P

  29. Jackal



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